I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
