About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
