You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
