First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
