WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
