Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
