Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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