dude i'm inner monologue high
we're making bets on your personal life
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
