here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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