i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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