if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
