I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize