just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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