I just pynch a tree in the face
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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