Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
