I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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