You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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