I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
