Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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