I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
