pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
