i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
