You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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