chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Actions speak louder than pants.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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