GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
