did you get engaged???
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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