I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
