There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
