you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
