there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
