It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
