I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
