so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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