dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
