Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
