is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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