She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize