Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
