I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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