you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
