I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
