please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
