Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
