hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
