Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Randomize
