I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
