we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
