My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
