My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
