I just saw a hot homeless man
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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