i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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