do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
