you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
