I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
