your thong is hanging out like whoa
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Do vagina's smell?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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