I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
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