You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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