So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
someone owes me an orgasm
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
