he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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