adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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