he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
