The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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