I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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