It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
