I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
